Live(ish) from Suki’s Open Mic

This is an experiment in the future, comedy fans. It is currently 8:40 pm at Suki’s Bar and Grill, the very site where in about a half an hour or so a night of hardcore, live open mic comedy is about to commence. This kind of magic only happens once every week or so. But how often is it documented, in real time, and updated live to a relatively disinterested public? Not often enough, I have decided. So welcome to Suki’s.

8:42pm: World famous open mic frequenter Marcus Gibson learns about the PDX Comedy Blog and immediately requests to be made famous by it. Knowing the profound sway of this site, I relent. (You’re welcome.)

8:59pm: Dax is arrived. Cops are slowly circling the building. “America FUCK YEAH” is playing. All is well.

9:00 pm Shawn Fleek, kitchen manager at Suki’s and part-time rabble rouser, gets off work and joins Whitney in the “forbidden dance” that is a liveblog.

10:14pm: The experiment falters almost immediately due to my having to go up second. [I do alright. I cannot work out jokes on stage here, I do not have any clue why I persist in believing that I can.] Anywho, the mic started about an hour ago. By this point, there is a solid crowd on the “comic side” of the room and a couple people playing video poker on the other.

10:16pm: The first (hopefully) use of the word “funbag” on stage tonight.

10:24pm: Valerie Branch and I descend into nihilism 20 seconds into a set about not getting into bad relationships. The dangers of going second and not having to watch my alcohol level start to become apparent.

10:28pm: TACOS.

10:30pm: Josh Lay just kissed Marcus! With tongue!

10:37pm: Christian Ricketts killing [Richard Bain blogging].

10:44pm: First timer on stage is getting recorded and is about to be YouTubed “against her will.” Not sure if this counts as a rape joke, but the set is proceeding with great encouragement and revelry.

10:55pm: I just finished my Pabst (which does not deserve to be capitalized but you know whatever (this took way too much time)). This is a good night. It has actually sucked with higher frequency after the Helium mic started, but I think the recent in-flux of talent, and the non-comic friends of such new talent, has added vitality to this mic. That’s my Tim, Hammer good night [Christian Ricketts blogging]

11:tpm: I am ovulating. Make love to me so that we may bring a child into this world. Have to help GD with a bit. Piece out. [Jrimmy Nrewstetter]

11:06pm: Gabe Dinger wins the comment-on-the-unisex-bathroom award. [back to nameless Whitney]

11:08pm: guys, someone is live blogging about this live blog. future, (JN)
11:13: Brick andrews outs Valerie Branch, references stealing whores and ends with an oldie, but a goodie.

11:14: Brick gets your sexual frustration girls, but he’s been trying to fuck you for a year and a half. Why not just see Brick Andrews tell this joke?

11:16: Heath Lyon loves Ghost Hunters.

11:17: More than half of ten-minutes-ago’s audience is outside smoking a cigarette. Heath is still making people laugh.

11:26pm: Nobody is live blogging!

11:27pm: Isaac Mayo (like the mayo?) just kicked some ass. Still a great crowd! Also, let’s take a minute to give it up for Dax Jordan, who is only halfway through his night and looks as spry as the day he was born standing up.

11:33pm: “Did you guys hear about that toxic sludge that is dripping into the Amazon river?” “NO.”

11:35pm: It is heartening, from the point of view of a queer activist, to hear so many mostly straight-identified people making note of–

(11:36pm: Gallagher vagina)

–of the fact that it is National Coming Out Week. Also, there went the second astrology reference of the night. [Richard Bain blogging]

11:48pm: Marcus makes a terrible noise. There are at least a dozen comics left. I start to feel despondent about my imagined commitment to blogging this entire mic.

11:50pm: San Francisco International Comedy Competition 2010 Winner Auggie Smith has arrived. Shawn Fleek is playing a war about class with Ira and has made us all into poor people. Despondency is removed temporarily.

11:52pm: Cody Smith just bent a knife. very important update.

12:18 TJ is explaining a joke he told the other day. But then he thought “hey…” which is a classic way to begin a thought.

12:19 Sheep-fucking

12:20 Bitch-slapped

12:20:15 kill a boner

12:20:30 story director

12:20:45

12:21am: Somebody apparently is not familiar with standard time formats. Also, Richard Bain is killing with a Mustard Man reference.

12:23am: “No, that joke is supposed to bomb.”

12:26am: Kyron, you are always in our hearts.

12:36am: live blog live blog it’s big it’s heavy it’s wood. live blog live blog it’s better than bad it’s good!

12:44am: “This is not easy, it is loud as fuck from eight different directions.” –Rylee Newton, as she both kills and talks about the cave that is her butt.

12:53am: Auggie Smith is undeniably king of a number of coalitions of which he is not a part. Except the coral-colored shirt coalition, founding member of that one.

1:03am: IMPROV!

1:52am: Are you fucking serious? Improv lasts over 45 minutes? Good lord, that’s nuts, I had no idea.

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